TRIGGERS

I had to catch myself while I was driving down the road from work today. I had to do some more mindfulness techniques to keep my anger at bay when I got home. Of course, I talked with my beautiful wife about some thoughts in my head and eventually, those angry thoughts subsided. Thank God. I was about to blow. As I was going this mental tug of war in my mind, a thought came to mind, "so how is this thought working for you?" All I can say to myself was, "not that great." Then another thought came to mind, "so, what are you going to do about it?" I chose to talk about it and began the process of letting those thoughts go that wanted me to continue engaging in the mental tug of war. David won. Any other out there ever or going through a mental tug of war? Matter of fact, let me ask a better question, does anybody out there have some "triggers" squeezing in their life? I think so, even if you don't want to admit it. People can pray and fast all they want but the triggers will always be there. No matter how young, old, rich or poor, something in life will always touch us in a certain way that will sort of, if not, piss us off. It's the truth we don't want to read. A trigger maybe seeing someone that screwed us in the past. Maybe it's times of depression that lead us to run to certain addictions. The stress of meeting production at work drives us to the nearest bar or strip club. Triggers are something that will stay with us for the rest of our life and we have to learn how to deal with them when the gun is in our hand. Are we gonna "pull the hammer" or will we put the gun on safety and put it back in the holster?

I'm telling y'all, I'm trying, I'm really trying to not to pull out the gun in the first place. Sometimes, man, sometimes it's hard as hell.

But it's all about choices, right? We have to build up the mental fortitude to do the right thing, even when we feel it's right to pull the trigger. My father used to refer to me the "think first before you shoot" method. Through months and months of counseling for almost a year, I'm building the skills to keep myself from pulling the trigger (not as much, I still pull sometimes). At that moment, when I just want to cuss somebody out, knock somebody out, flip the bird when someone cuts off on the road, or get a traffic bill from one of those red light camera deals, I go straight into mindfulness. If I don't, the part of the world my presence is in isn't going to like me very much.

Think of it like this, what if we give in to the urge to pull the trigger, look at the damage we may inflict. Some of us are holding twelve gauges, other desert eagles. Either way, some is going to get hurt and the price we carry is feeling the after shock of our actions.

Do you feel me?

Til next time, my friends.......