Now, Can I Talk To You? - The Finale

Now that's we've made it past the other two blogs addressing abusive pastors who needed to hear what needed to be said,  I want to give comfort to those who are experiencing "technical difficulties" with their leadership. I can definitely feel your pain. I'm still reeling from the blows I allowed to be inflicted in my life but everyday, I feel stronger, better, and a lot more outspoken, too (boy, have I caught heat from the other two posts, it's all good). Here's a little list I've created of things you may be thinking (but can't tell nobody because they might judge you and say, "there's a spirit on you":

• You don't agree with charismatic leadership styles: Whatever do you mean, ole' Dave? It's simple. The loud and crazy comments, cliches, and long winded prayers. The long, drawn out uneducated and "self-spirit" led sermons. The embarrassing call outs someone's sin and drawn-out altar calls. Messages and leadership that note the pastor's way to Christ is the only way to heaven (which goes against Matthew 7). The tearing down of a person but lack of building up of the same. The inner frustrations of feeling lost or abandoned. 
• You feel trapped: Don't front, some of you do but I'll admit it for you. I used the feel the same way you do. It's sort of like a prison experience, I know. You may feel isolated from the world around you, vast opportunities of having friends (even those who believed in something else or nothing at all), talked out of becoming a professional musical artist, even cut off from own family and closest friends. You became a shell of something that was nothing but religion's best, which is to the destroy the soul's trait of individuality. 
• You see people hurt and leave: Nothing hurts a congregation more than seeing people leave, especially when they leave from unresolved conflicts. It's sad. Trust me I've been there. Matter of fact, I've been on both sides of the fence. It hurt to see many of my mentors and friends leave but years later, I too became another statistic and now others are hurting. Usually in local and unaccountable churches, this is a common occurrence. Usually it's pastors/leaders/members allowing the wounds of words, gossip, and judgmental comments fester to the point of people leaving as "bleeding sheep." I guess I'm an honorary member of the team, now (lol).
• Things taught don't line up with God's Word: There's a lot of that in churches now. Not the cliches because those will never go away (hey, I just popped a freestyle, cool!). This happens a lot when pastors begin to feed into their own ego, care less about the people's needs, and say/do/think what they want. Now, they've led the sheep to jump off cliffs plunging to their deaths. No one will dare challenge them and if so, they will become ostracized by that church society as a leper.
• You hate what you see in the mirror: Oh my goodness. Do you ever feel this way after all the hoopla at church services? Do you ever feel more lost, drained, and confused after all the emotionalism you've just allowed yourself to participate in? Do you hate the power you've given to these hirelings who've punked you out of your time, money, and talents? Do you hate the person, this religious Jesus freak you've become? I know how you feel.....

But I've got great news for you, you have two options:

1. Stay: Through my extensive and intensive research on this subject, I see that people who've received "offerings of love" from pastors and church members in difficult/transitional times tend to stay at those same churches for years (some times over a decade, I can bear witness to that). They feel a sense of duty to stay there, to be committed to that church no matter what it will cost them. They tend to condone a lot of unethical, immoral, and blatantly wrong actions by their leaders/members (usually left unchecked) because they hold them in high regard. They are willing to allow gossip from their pastor's mouth, which are for "counseling purposes", (really an excuse to tear down people or through shade behind their backs) but deep inside you know it's not right. They are willing to be emotionally, sometimes physically, spiritually, financially, and psychologically abused. It's sort of like women or men beaten by their spouses, they continue to stay in these relationships. They also tend to justify these relationships, saying, "he/she didn't know what they're doing, he/she was having a bad day, or Tyler Perry's favorite, he/she is just playing." However, the abuse continues until someone dies, the abused is beaten to death or commits suicide or the abuser is killed. Let's shift this over. People's family life is destroyed because they've allowed  pastors full access into their lives. I've seen more marriages in coffins when this happens. It's common when marital conflicts arise, people tend to go to their pastor but he or she may not have the right tools to help the situation. I've seen people's dreams to do great things, travel, and start a family destroyed because jealous and insecure pastors manipulated them to think otherwise (ask my parents The Royals) It's sad. I've seen so many pastors get away with wrongdoing and people sticking up for them saying, the "God's will be done" propaganda (I once was that type of person, and I've hurt a lot of people along the way). They end up becoming Mini-Me's of these abusive leaders and act the same way towards anyone who doesn't "conform to the standard." They stay in these churches because they've developed relationships with others who too are blinded by the "gods of this age" and only the light of Christ can break the mental strongholds inserted by these horrible pastors. Wow....I'll say this too, pastors of this caliber are well-skilled into inserting fear mechanisms to keep people from leaving. "You're in sin if you leave this church. You're the devil. You won't make it out there alone. And my personal favorite, You'll be back" (just like Mister said in The Color Purple). One book I finished reading a couple of months ago (Churches That Abuse by Ronald Enroth, it's mind boggling), discussing the terrible situations different people went through. The longer they stayed the more hell they went through. All in the name of God. I'll tell you this, you can't change a system that's unwilling to change only God can. This leads me to my next point....

2. Leave: During my time in the Army, they used to tell people (people like me) who didn't like the military that, "this is a volunteer Army." The same applies to all of us. We voluntarily joined these churches and when the abuse comes, we voluntarily stay there. Some of us think are staying in these situations and places of abuses because we believe that God can change anything. What if, what if God isn't going to do nothing but let unethical practices at this church go on? If you knew that and knew God and the people who really love you want you out of that situation, too? Would we ignore the signs or would we heed to them? Just as easily as you joined, it's just that easy for you to leave (that includes ministers, too - especially if you're not getting paid for all the labor (time/money) you're putting in). It's just that simple. Why stay in an "abusive  relationship (i.e. church/leadership) that continues to call you things that aren't true? Why continue to look up to a leader that is stabbing you behind your words and actions? Why continue to follow after teachings and doctrines that even Jesus himself can't find in the Bible? Why continue to put your spouse and kids through verbal and spiritual assaults led by pastors and their henchmen? Why stay? Why not go? Letting go of something we try to justify is good but is bad for us isn't easy. It's like an addiction. It's hard to wean ourselves from that addiction. But, as the great Bobby Womack said in a documentary about his "addictions", he made one choice that saved his life from a horrible end. If the cons outweigh the pros, then do what needs to done. Just as Tyler Perry says, "We try to hold onto things God himself is trying to tear apart." Isn't that the truth... At that the beginning, you're "wide-eyed" and bushy tailed but after having your eyes open to what's really going on in that organization and its leader(s), the honeymoon is over. You begin to question and you don't like the answers. The arrows that you see in your sleep at night are pointing toward the exit. Will people in the congregation wonder why you left (especially if you've been for a very long time)? Yes (in the Daniel Bryan voice). Will people who you thought were in your corner cut you off? Yes. Is there a possibility your former pastors dog you out every time your name or memory of you comes in their head or is mentioned? Yes. Some of you may ask, shouldn't I make a formal statement or this that and the third? In my opinion, I don't think so. Things don't happen overnight, the process begins way before we leave. But I will assure you this, you may be bleeding, you may not, but this experience will change your life forever. I can tell you from personal experience, life will become sweeter, wiser, nourishing, calmer, and better. In time, you'll be able to kick the k---nowledge (Red Foxx's joke) to other "bleeding sheep" who've gone through the same things (trust me, there's a lot of them out there hurting in the US right now). In time, people who you had to leave behind (for a little while), you'll be able to tell them what really happened to clear up the misconceptions your former pastors (and their "minions") talked about. In time, the same minions (once they step out of line from the same pastors in any way no pleasing to them) will be giving you a call telling you, "I see what you were saying now." If you know certain folks are all into what the abusive leader is teaching, don't bother trying to get them to see your side of things (remember that mental fear mechanism I was referring to earlier?). Talk with a sociologist, a psychologist (you wouldn't believe how many people who've left churches have to get professional counseling, the mental damages are astronomical), it's okay, don't let the "super-spirituals" tell you different.  Take time out for yourself, chill, go to the movies. Visit healthy churches that help you horizontally (life on earth) and how to cope with certain issues (you'll be amazed, the people who speak will be talking about your situation and how to deal with it). The possibility of you going back there, even for a visit, not a good idea. You'll become blacklisted. Trust me, I've seen this happen before. It's all good though. Everything will work out fine, in time.


Before I end this series (which has probably demonized me and everything/everybody else connected to me) with this blog, I encourage you to read and download"Churches That Abuse", by Ronald M. Enroth by using this following link, http://www.reveal.org/development/Churches_that_Abuse.pdf
A lot of my "opinions" came from this book along with other materials I've been reading before the 3rd quarter of 2013 ever started (www.churchleaders.com).

Another thought provoking blog (Wise Sloth) has some other lists that are spot on (he's not dissing Christ, just churches with bugged out ideologies:
 http://wisesloth.wordpress.com/2012/09/02/15-signs-your-church-is-a-cult/

This is a great resource for churches, work, school, you name it. Abuse is still prevalent and those in power positions, when left unchecked will use it for their own advantages in this world. Don't lay down like a doormat and let them walk all over you. Stand on your feet and fight back.

Til Next Time, David "TEG" Overton.....

Can I Talk To You, Pastor? - Part 2

Here is part 2 as promised and man, I have a lot of information to provide to you pastors/leaders who are one track minded, snooty, judgmental, greedy, secretive, prideful, and immature. To find out more, please read part one by clicking or copying/pasting this link into your web browser: http://dgwo81.blogspot.com/2014/03/can-i-talk-to-you-pastor-part-1.html

Yesterday, I dealt harshly about the problems that I've experienced, seen, and heard in my local community with pastors performing at their churches. I truly believe in the following three things to why pastors have become domineering, have an elitist mindset, controlling, manipulative, irresponsible, prideful, and the list goes on:

• Lack of training - I know of many pastors from my past and present who just up and started churches. Although they have some type of training, nothing is formal. You weren't taught to  reach a variety of people (we live in a melting pot of culture now more than any other time in history). Some of you just took a ministers' training course that only dealt with "revelatory" information but doesn't teach on how to treat people ethically and morally, the principles of the Bible than the revelation of the Bible, and how those principles can be used in everyday life. Many of of you so called pastors have never been to seminary school. Although "book knowledge" through formal training doesn't teach everything, these programs urge daily application to make things click. Too be honest, most of you pastors, especially you all running local churches don't have a license to be a pastor but expect "your ministers" to have one. Where's your license to pastor or, pastor? Many of you suck in conflict management, which is the cause of many people leaving your churches with problems unresolved. Most importantly, your lack of training (and unethical practices) will spill over into the people you are or will "train" for leadership positions. As Jesus said, "the blind will lead the blind into a ditch" and that "they'll become twice the devils in hell than you are (wow, even Jesus calls people like you the devil, think about it)."
• Wrong Intentions - Many of you pastors I've seen are just horrible. You start churches with the wrong intentions, one is to make money and get rich. Their are many "pastors/leaders" who've started churches and religious organizations just to indulge in their love of money (which is the root of all kinds of evil). For example, look at COGIC or PAW, their nothing but cash machines for leaders who hoop and holler and make the people pay tribute to them and keep them broke as well as blind to the truth. Some of you pastors start churches so you can "rule over people" and become someone's boss. Some of you like the feeling of having the power and "lordship" over another person's life. Some want to be a pastor but don't walk in the responsibilities of one. I know of one who is the "senior " pastor of a church but hasn't walked in the responsibilities  for a couple of years. He comes back now and again, takes control of everything, and rants about nothing but his personal feelings instead of giving the people what they need, that is, the tools to survive in a crazy world. Heck, the man is so stuck on himself he won't check on anyone else other than his family. Some of his "brotherhood" put on a front claiming they support him but deep inside they feel abandoned. Since his "vacation" has started (word on the street, it only takes some paperwork to get him back home) he uses his poor spouse to do all the dirty work and though they won't admit it, the church is one the fast track to sinking like the Titanic. Why, because they started and currently run everything with the wrong intentions (because it's not about them, it's about them). Wrong intentions breed "un-fixable" problems that only result in "closed for business."
• Out of your league - To be honest, some of you are "called" to be a pastor. Yep, God "blessed" you to become one but that doesn't mean He wanted you to be one. Some people have said I'd be one someday but looking at the facts of my own life, I totally disagree. You guys and gals in these position have no idea what you're into. It's more than "laying out before God", long prayers, preaching, laying hands on people, pouring two bottles of oil on people's weaves, and making money to keep the lights on, you're dealing with people's lives. People are looking for answers in this thing called life, not another prayer meeting, altar call, or 3rd heaven mess that they can't apply in their lives (forgiveness, fixing their marriage, kicking a drug habit teaching is what people are looking for). Some of you are so ill equipped, it's a shame. Yep, some of you got knowledge but no love, no respect, or a care in the world for your fellow man. Don't you remember what Paul says, "knowledge puffs up but love strengthens?" So what you know a lot of scriptures, do you think that qualifies you to be a pastor? He (double) naw!!!! (sorry for the "street" linguistics). If you don't know how to love, with perfect love, your position is nothing but a fart in the wind. It stinks and makes people run away from you. 

After saying all this, there has to be a solution, right? Yes indeed. 

1. It's not about you: Just recently, I had to confront some "hirelings" (which they won't admit to this very day) who call themselves pastors about some issues that's been going on for over a decade. Not necessarily about what they did to my family and I but what I've seen openly done to others. However, they used their favorite line to evade taking any responsibility for their immoral and unethical practices: "If I've done anything to offend you or anybody else..." (ooooooh a messsss!). Does that sound sincere? Nope. It sounds like evading (one of my degrees is in Communication, n----s can't fool me now) the situations and taking responsibility for their actions (that's what spoiled children do). Hirelings and con artists pretty up themselves in the eyes of the people and make every single event, problem, drama, and issue about them. Pastor appreciation days (when done wrong) drowns the pockets of the congregation, which puts people in a disposition of choosing to pay or not pay for their bills. Every single decision that needs to be made in every department of the church has to go through you. People can't get a "breakthrough" in life unless it comes through you. You put fear in the hearts of "your people" by telling them if they live, their in sin and will "surely die." They keep people at church from 9am to 430pm to "push in the spirit", holler to God (who ain't listening to your rubbish no way), and multiple, long, idiotic, emotional altar call sessions. Who the he (double) are you? Are you God? Did you die on the cross for the sins of the whole world, past, present, and future? Are you omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent? Are you the Vine? Are you the Lifeline to human life? Are you the Source of all life? I don't think so. The solution to your pride problem is re-realize that it's all about God and that you are easily replaceable. With the flip of His finger, you turn to dust, then he'll "raise up" a bum on the street to do a better job than you could ever do. Stop seeking celebrations from your congregations  all the time, celebrate them. The people make you and the same can break you. 
2. There's no "I" in team: This leads me to my second point, some of you think the "show" revolves around you. Some of you like long winded prayer services to hear your own voice and want a "certain atmosphere" to be set before you can preach. You want the people do work for you but you are unwilling to work for the people. You are a dictator, a pharaoh, a hireling, and every other smack in the face you need to hear. Have you forgotten that the greatest leaders are the one of the best servants? Steve Ells, CEO of Chipotle goes around the country working with lower (functional) level employees. He's there not to teach but to actually learn and even gather new information that can better help the company become a greater dominant power in the fast food industry. At my job, our supervisors are called coaches which leads to team of people. Although we have to meet our production standards daily, coaches work with us in the trenches to get the job done to help our veterans. There are many times I see coaches looking for advice from raters and service representatives who work for them to get a situation handle. They realize they don't have all the answers. Do you see where I'm getting at? Your ministries (which really doesn't belong to you) cannot function without teamwork. Okay, you're the figurehead but you ain't nothing without the people. Don't start pipe dreams and "Godsent visions" without conferring with your team first. Set up a meeting. See where everyone is at. See what capital (money, labor, materials) you have available before you begin a venture (and make sure you close out past ventures, some of you got a lot of projects but haven't completed one). Once people start leaving your churches by the droves when "the funk hits the fan", who's going to pay for the lights, mortgage, and pipe dreams they once funded? You are and soon enough, you'll lose everything (look at the Lakers...., enough said). 
3. Be willing to heed to advice: Some of you pastors have become crooked, corrupted, delusional, and exclusive because you are unwilling to take advice from anyone. You want to do all the talking, you have all the answers, but you are unwilling to sit your narrow behinds down and listen. Didn't James tell us all, "be slow to speak and quick to listen?" Some of you have totally lost your humility. I have multiple times  tried to talk with my former hirelings information that would've benefited them greatly and everyone else. Many others, including  their former ministers and even one of their best friends tried to kick knowledge to them. Of course, we all told them things they didn't like and look where we're all at now (all 80+ of us)? Of all people, you need all the advice, experience, and wisdom you need from others, no matter what religion, social status, race, creed, culture, or sexual orientation they come from. God has given everyone on this planet a piece to our puzzle, we just have to become open to it. Wasn't Moses open to Jethro? Wasn't Darius open with Daniel? Isn't Obama open with his vast array of counselors? Isn't Vin Diesel open to his fellow coworkers? You will never amount to anything if you're unwilling to heed to advice, even if it hurts your little Pre-maddona feelings. If you are a Pre-Maddona, you need to resign from your position. 
4. Conflict management: Within each organization in the "secular" industry (which I believe there is no difference between secular and spiritual since they all come from the same place, note: Abraham was not a Jew but a "pagan" leaving a "pagan" nation, hello somebody), there has to be conflict management set in place. Certain people, especially all those in leadership positions require training in handling conflicts (of course not all organizations have this in place). Conflicts will occur, whether you like it or not, pastor. Despite your 55,000th heaven lifestyle, you do not live in a utopia. The world is a jungle filled with good, bad, and vicious species. This world is a world imperfect filled with imperfect people. You need training and must have skills in conflict management. Case and point, do not be the orchestrator of conflicts because in the end, the people will get on you. There are various types of conflict management you need to set in place in your churches. Mediation (many times, you don't need to be involved, stop being nosy and thinking you can fix everything) and various forms of outside intervention (if problems have gotten to the point nobody can resolve them, ask for help even if it means bringing someone who's not quote, "religious" but has the skills and experience to resolve conflicts) are conflict resolution processes that work; tried and true. If you don't these skills, it's okay, you're not God's gift to the world. There are too many people, even people in your congregation who can assist you. Church is no different from Apple, Inc., each business' design comes from the Big Man upstairs. Last point, no one should leave your church bleeding. You need to be a man/woman, stop acting like a middle school valley girl, stop with your games, stop with your lying gossip, lower your pride, and make it right with that person. You never know, that bleeding sheep may be your achilles heel in the future. They might have information that will destroy your religious profession, livelihood, and reputation for years to come. Especially if there's financial impropriety involved (which is common in religious organizations that become cultish), you might find yourself sitting before a grand jury and getting scolded by a prosecutor; following a guilty conviction with hard time.
5. You need to be accountable to others: This last solution is so important. Without accountability, pastors and leaders do whatever they want, whenever they want, no one can tell them nothing. Unaccountability is the hotbed of all pride, financial impropriety, selfish deeds, robberies, manipulations, controlling methods, dictatorships, and degradation of the human soul. Recently, my wife and I talked with a counselor and he said one thing that makes sense, "Every pastor needs a pastor." So true. This reduces the likelihood (if that mentor is right in the head) of you, pastor, to bring up yourself above measure. Someone will call you, sit down with you, and jack you up with a some good ole' grown man talk. Can't none of your ministers, elders, or people protect from the lashings of wisdom. You need someone you need to answer to. Many of you local pastors say the only one you need to answer to is God and no one else. However, you want "your people" to come to you on accepting a job, starting a new ministry within your church (that is needed might I add), or take time away from church to just relax, but can't start without your approval. Hmmm, this sounds like control, doesn't it, pastor? However, you won't be doing that with a mentor regularly and routinely performing surprise inspections of your work ethics at your local church, would you? I don't think so. Not only do you need to be accountable to a mentor, you need to be accountable to the people, too. My wife and I went to a church last week and the lead pastor told everyone where the money was going. He said some other interesting things and the first thing that came to my head was that he wasn't saying all this to keep people coming to his church for their money. He told people this information because they represent the internal and external stakeholder-ships of the organization. They have a right to know where their money is going. Many businesses you see post current information on how they are performing in the consumer market. Why won't you do the same thing, pastor? I'm not saying you need to post financial information on the church website (but innovative since most religious organization don't share this information, that's an idea-f). I am saying you need to be more accountable, more open, more sincere, and more truthful to the people you say you're serving. Accountability goes both ways. When David, with his old behind, tried to fight with his soldiers against Goliath's family, they told him to go back to the castle and sit down somewhere. Guess what David did, he heeded their advice. He got chin checked and became accountability to his grunt soldiers. Guess what, pastor? You're not exempt! Plus, you need to be accountable with the government laws like Human Rights, etc. (you people love to preach against), your community you say you're serving, and to the ethics found in the Bible (that means you need to read it and let it smack you a couple of times a day to get you focused, humble, and accountable). 

There's so many other things I could have pointed out but I think this is all some of you can take (haha). Well, I hope I'm helping some of you out because a lot of you need it. As I said before, it's time someone pulls your card and I'm one of those people without any reputation or status that has the liberty to do so. Please, if you do try to quote Psalms 105:15 on me, it will backfire. I'm a Williams/Overton/Royal, and history has proven, every time we've had to check pastors and they along with their members tried to retaliate in any kind of way, it backfired. Whatever heart I had left for people like you, I'm sharing you with because I don't want you to face the "greater damnation" Christ refers to in the gospels for corrupt leaders. 

Til next time, Spc. Pot Stirrer.......

P.S. - I encourage you to check out the links below from people in the same position as you. Please take heed because you can be the stairs helping people go up and be successful. Or you can be the person who is a stumbling block and causing people to fall and fail. 

http://blog.restoringkingdombuilders.org/tag/pastors-who-admit-theyre-wrong/

http://www.biblestudytools.com/pastor-resources/archives/9-warning-signs-of-a-pastor-losing-his-way.html

https://bangordailynews.com/2013/11/18/news/midcoast/ex-brunswick-pastor-admits-having-church-pay-income-to-his-wife-to-keep-his-disability-pay/

http://www.davidcox.com.mx/usa/our_promo/guidelines_for_discerning_a_bad_pastor.htm

http://ex-pentecostals.org/whatswrong2.htm

Can I Talk To You, Pastor? - Part 1

I've debated whether or not to do a post on this subject but looking at what's going on in my life and around me, this needs to be addressed. I already realize that some people are going to use Psalms 105:15 on me but I really don't care. The point of it is, there are a lot of religious leaders (monks, priests, fathers, mothers, apostles, pastors, etc) who are doing some dirty things to other people. Personally, I've experienced the following from these types of people (which I allowed to happen):

• Manipulation
• Coercion
• Control
• Self-justification for unethical practices
• Religiosity(ies)
• Harsh Judgment (Judgmental)
• Close-mindedness
• Prideful
• Secrecy
• Mysticism
• Fake Love
• Financial impropriety
• All about image

...and the list goes on. These are the exact things God doesn't like in people who call themselves pastors/leaders. In the gospels, he specifically said that these type of people who do the following:

• Wear long robes (those crazy robes worn on Sundays when they preach so that people fear and that all eyes are on him/her)
• Seek the high seats/positions of wherever they go (attention seekers, demand acknowledgement from others, desire high-ranking positions in an organization but are unwilling "to start from the bottom")
• Seek people's praises (how good they preach, living off of past/former glory, always asking for money, if people don't acknowledge them, they are the enemy and worthy of going to hell)
• Make long prayers (stupid and unprofitable prayer meetings, deliverance services, praying against people instead of praying for people, praying for their own selfish desires and pipe dreams)

...And the list goes on. These type of people who continue to do this and "begetting" these attitudes into those they are "training" will get what's coming to them (a greater level of flames than any other soul will receive). I think that's scary but some of you will say, "I'm out of order" for calling you out. It's funny you and even us the American people can criticize the President of the United States, other religions, congressman, the public school system, the LGBT movement, atheists, and drug pushers, but no one can get at pastors. I don't get that. In streets (I'm back home where I belong), pastors who meet these specifications I've listed in this post, you might get beaten down by words, with a fist, or a bullet. Some of you, some of you, especially at my current location (Central Texas, which is ridden with small, local, unaccountable churches), are dirtier than the DeLuca Crime Family. You people (not directed to those who are on the real straight and narrow) steal from your congregations through these pledges, conventions, conferences, guilt trips, and other meetings. You "rob" them to facilitate your "undercover" lavish, greedy, and selfish lifestyles as "your people" are losing their cars, houses to foreclosures, scrambling working three jobs to buy a bulk of that nasty Spam, and other familial problems. You put stipulations, standards, and burdens on them through your "spirit-led" ideologies, statements, and rants that even yourselves can't live by. You write-off/cut-off people who believed in you at one time, supported you, and helped build your kingdoms when they saw the Truth and began thinking differently. You call them devils, snakes, Jezebel, Leviathans, and whatever hurtful things to destroy their name/reputation in the hearts and minds of your congregations. You give bad advice and are the cause of broken/dissolved marriages, broken dreams of your congregants. You become the source of conflicts, the leaders of gossip, the talebearers of people's flaws and dirty laundry. How do you do this? You waste their time and talents with stupid meetings like Prayer/Prophetic conferences, prayer retreats (oops, I'm sorry did I say that?), revivals (that only make people call in the next day for work or waste leave time), and other adventures that God doesn't even show up to (but some other "god" did!). You spend more of your time building on your land or even buying to expand your riches but not even looking (or planning) to use these future endeavors to feed the homeless, look after the widows, and take care of the orphans (which the essence of pure and undefiled religion - even the Chinese government has orphan programs but you don't! - wow). You know how to "speak with eloquence" to woo, manipulate, and placed mind control mechanisms in the minds of the people who talk to (you're no better than Hitler!!!). What tops it all off, is that you people do this all in the name of Jesus Christ. Although "my life" doesn't reflect to your Pharisee-type standard any longer, I can tell you this, you guys are not pastors/leaders, you are hirelings. A hireling is someone who sees trouble coming, knows a more excellent way of doing this but instead of telling others, you use them up to build your image/public status and become the wolves that devour them. What gives me the authority to say all these things, life does (and being a "former elder", I can say what the heck I want to you because in certain aspects, I was just like you, I'm not afraid of you!). I hope and I pray that God smacks you with the light before someone who may not be mentally stable sees what you're doing and does something worse to you. I hope you see the importance of letting go of your pipe dreams and "demonically" unethical ideologies to come to the saving knowledge of the truth. I hope you understand what you do to the eternal souls of others can earn you a VIP ticket into the darkest, hottest, and most grotesque part of hell God can find to punish people like you. Ask those in our world's history who've done what you're doing. Look at where they are now. I hope you consider my words. I'll speak for the voice of the voiceless (sort of like CM Punk). I urge you, you pastors who meet these specifications listed to read Ezekiel 34, Matthew 21-23, and enroll in some Business Administration course at a local college/online, and I hope you change before it's too late.....

Til Next Time, TeamStirringThePot.......

The Problem With Image

There's some type of people that I just can't people who will do anything and everything to maintain their image. One of my favorite songs is "For The Love of Money" by the O'Jays. One of the principles I gather from this song is how people will do anything to get ahead.  People will "steal from their mother" and "rob from their brother." Man, I can say personally this is true. People will steal from their own blood, friends, associates, coworkers, and/or clients whether it be credit, social security numbers, checking account numbers, pledges, etc. I see this nowadays, even more with people that have high positions. Managers, directors, coaches, priests, pastors, parents, and government officials. They will impose higher workloads on their employees to make themselves look good for the people they must answer to or to society. They will manipulate the people they are "mentoring, fathering, leading, or shepherding" out of their money, time, family, and talents to pay (fuel) for their expensive lifestyles (while the people they say they serve can't pay their bills). This also happens with the common man in society. People will cut off others from being their friends who don't have certain status in society (money, fame, nice things) and link up with others who do for the sake of their image. Some cut off their blood who may have issues for the sake of their image in the public eye. Image, the new American dream. It's more like a nightmare. I guess n----s (ignorant people) forgot that this life is like a leaf in the grass, in time it fades and won't last. Seeking and doing whatever to maintain a certain image in front of others is fronting on who you really are. People will go into incredible amounts of debt to maintain a stupid image but leave behind a ruined credit life that stains their family. I know of some people who are actively doing all I mentioned above and it's a matter of time before their "cookie crumbles." My advice is to you, don't try to keep up or seek an image so that you will be accepted by people in the status quo. Don't put on the mask to cover up your flaws with your face all caked up with make up in need of a shape up. Don't screw those who've been there for you because you won't to be in a certain prestigious clique. In the end, you'll lose more than your fleeting nice things and good moral standing, you will lose the love, respect, and relationships of those you will need to be in your life. Since vicariously leaving my religious lifestyle filled with seeking and maintaining an image, I can say this with confidence. Image ain't jack and in the end, your life will be destroyed by it like addicts on crack. Now think about that, image seekers....

Til next time.....

Forgiveness Is The Sweetest Revenge

You guys can thank one of my best friends for the title of this blog. When you really think about it, it is one of the best feelings in the world. I think that I've learned that forgiveness is truly the best weapon. My old mentality is to get those who've done wrong to me and those I love back with a vengeance. But that's too easy, that's giving what enemies/haters want. I can say from "very personal experience", there are some haters/enemies wanting and praying for me to flip the handle. But I'm not going to do that. I'm too mature, wise, knowledgeable, and sophisticated to do that. I'm going to turn the other cheek and forgive those who've done me wronged me. For me now, it's eyes ahead. I'm not going to give my enemies/haters power over my life that should only belong to God alone. But the greatest revenge I can impose on them is forgiveness. Forgiveness isn't for them, it's for me. Now, that doesn't mean I won't forget the mess done to me. I am going to talk about it but with a forgiving and thoughtful heart. Look at Nelson Mandela and the South African government. He could have came out from prison and devoured it to dust but he chose to forgive them and spread the message of peace to all, including his enemies. He used the power of forgiveness to "heap coals of fire on his heads." What does that phrase mean? It's showing love to your enemies when you they're gossiping, trying to ruin your reputation, or financially rape you. When they see you doing this, the "sins" they've done against you begin to weigh heavily their minds. They can't sleep. Instead of seeing the great and beautiful image that others portray of them, they only see the low down, dirty, selfish, and evil person they really are. That's when the forgiveness' revenge takes hold. They either change for the better (admit to their wrongdoing) or drown the seas of regrets for doing you (and whoever else) wrong. Now, that type of revenge that's sweet. So to all who've done the Big O wrong, I love you and forgive you. But I caution you, forgiveness' revenge power will knocking at your door very, very soon. And all those I've wronged, forgiveness' sweet revenge came, straightened me out (and still is), and has made me a better man. Thanks for forgiving me and encouraging me to admit to my wrongs. Well, that's a lot of weight off my chest (for now), my friends. I hope this helps....

Til next time, The Pot Stirrer aka PSTD (PotStirrerStressDisorder)....

My Religious Free Life

My mind is free now that I've finished my MBA program (yay!). Now I can truly go through my own personal "cell therapy." I can truly say that my life is religious free. What do you mean, some of you may ask? First of all, me and religion have never been friends. Religion hates me because it can't control me and I hate religion because it controls people. In my 30 plus years of knowing about religion, I've never really seen religion do anybody good. Historically (namely the Roman Catholic Church's Inquisition), religion has ended the lives of many people. It's financially raped families, stolen from bereaved widows, abused children, and given people in "pseudo" leadership positions "the power" to do, think, and say whatever they wanted to (I'll have a blog discussing the problem with Sauls running churches later this week). I've seen my grandparents almost messed over by religion, my parents, too. Just recently, I almost got robbed 10 years of my life. Although I forgive "those people" for their "subtle" wrongdoing, dude hasn't forgot and he will share what he's experienced to help others going through the same things. So what is my life like now? First, I'm learning to understand the true grace of God, not the works to attain his grace. I'm also enjoying the new found joys of going to church and leaving 45 minutes later rather than being in church for almost 8 hrs (like a job). I can sit and listen to things that are about everyday life rather than a bunch of 3rd heaven/revelation mess that was given keep me under the trance of manipulation and control. I'm also learning to pray again, not stupid long drawn out prayers that's prayed in amiss, but a one on one conversation with God. No longer am I involved with notions of judging other religions and Christians in different denominations with an "elitist" mind set. Most importantly, I'm learning to treat others with respect and true love opposed to what I learned from a "bugged out" organization. Now I'm free not to do as I please but love the life I've been given. That statement may offend a lot of snooty super spiritual Christians who don't read the news, have no compassion for others, quote a millions scriptures, and have 20 ministerial titles. It's cool. I really don't care because I've knocked out religion out of my life. I'm still transitioning, throwing out all that mess I've learned while tangled in religion. But time heals all wounds and teaches all things. It's all good now, my friends. As the Wu says, "The saga continues."

Til next time, The Pot Stirrer....

When People Write You Off...

Nobody likes to be written off by people like friends, family, and work relationships, but it happens to the best of us. This week, I've done a lot of "searching" and thinking within myself about my "relationship statuses" with people I know. Of course, my immediate family, which include my wife, brothers, sister-n-law, parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins; they're not going away. Then I go to my friend zones and I see a huge shift that's happened. I know for sure my best friend column has dropped significantly, the same is with my associates column. I'll tell you why. I've been written off and that's been a hard pill to swallow. I'll admit, it hurts but now I'm beginning to see the benefits of being written off by certain folks. It's cool now. A new found mentor told me recently that in this phase (a transitional period) of my life, I was going to know who my real friends are. Man, he was right. I've learned that we as people use the word love too loosely. For years, I've heard the same people who've written me off say they love me but once I begin to follow/know the real truth about how life is and things in life are truly supposed to work, the pages of me in their life's book is torn out, thrown in the trash, and burned. My name and reputation is questioned (from what I hear through the grapevine "blasphemed"). My noted and displayed love for them through gossip and judgment has been tarnished. It's cool now, though. I'm enjoying the pill that I swallowed with a cold glass of milk. So the question is to those who're going through "relationship changes", what are you supposed to do when people write you off? It's a hard yet simple truth, 1. forgive them, 2. address them (if right opportunity presents itself), 3. move on, and 4. new friends will come your way. Some people result to revenge when people write them off (verbally or physically). Some people slump into a lifetime of depression (don't let people fool you, that emotion will come). Some people just move on without a care in the world. Yet I see that four step process works and is one that I'm going through now. At times, do I miss those that have written me off for absolutely no reason? Yep but the big sign in front of me reading "A Bright Future Is Ahead Of You" helps me kiss my past relationships goodbye. We can't help or control how people treat us, no matter how many good things you've done them. To be more personal, those that have written me off know in their heart of hearts that I've done no wrong to them. However, because of their pride, greed, manipulation, control, and selfishness, my "presence" was deemed to be despicable. Now, I'm not going to be self-righteous because I've done the same to many other folks (what goes around comes around). But now, I love my life been written off, it feels good now. Although this process sucks sometimes, I'm moving on and closing chapters in my life that no longer have value in my life. I know this blog is a bit random but my friends, dude has to share his heart. It is what it is.

Til next time, ThePotStirrer.....

Snakes In My Garden

 About 3 years ago, I read a book by Kirk Franklin called "The Blueprint". It talked about what he went through to become the man that he is now. In one part of the book, he talked about how life is like a garden. During certain times of the year, a homeowner has to check on his lawn and if he sees weeds growing, it's his responsibility to pull them out the ground. He also mentioned, lawn keeping isn't a one time event, it's ongoing. Anyone who owns a house or runs a lawn service knows what I'm talking about. It takes a lot of work. But here's a question I'd like to ask you all, my friends? Have you ever been at someone's house who didn't keep up with their lawn? Weeds are out of control? Tree limbs everywhere? Grass is up passed you knees? I know I have, especially when I was growing up. Where I'm from (North Carolina, what's up?!), there's an old saying about high grass. If you walk through it, you might get bit by a snake. When I was a kid growing up in Jack-round Tree Apartments in Kinston (ok, I'll represent you, too...), my friends and I loved to play in a big field next to the complex, especially during the summer time. Many times, the adults would tell us not to go over there ("..but the don'ts we did...-stole that from GZA, Liquid Swords,) but we didn't listen. There were many times kids would get bit by snakes, some poisonous, some non-poisonous. One time, me and a friend walked through there and saw one of those snake dead and burnt to a crisp. Of course, we was playing with it but in the back of my mind I thought, whoever killed the snake is gangsta! Whenever I would hear people talk about snakes, I would get scared. If someone gets bit by one, you might die. But as I got older, my fear of them greatly decreased. As I got older, I've had to deal with different types of snakes. These types of snakes I've had to deal with have two arms, two legs, and the ability to speak. I've had to take a lot of time to keep my "garden" looking good, healthy, weed free (thought some of them pop out when you least expect it it), and free from snakes. In my actual garden (lawn) at my house, I don't have that problem with the exception of the weeds (dog-on Augustine grass!). I've had problems with my life dealing with people who've been snakes. Recently, I've had to start sifting through the high grass of distractions, religion, feigned love, fake friendships, and weariness to find different types of snakes. I've had to deal with snakes that say they loved me but talk about me behind my back with other people who really love me (with the intent to turn them against me and ruin my reputation). I've had to deal with people who form relationships with me for the sake of manipulating me and controlling me (time, talents, and a whole lot of money). I've had to deal with people who I let coerce me into thoughts and belief systems that have no spiritual, intellectual, or earthly value. I've had to deal with people who present themselves as "angels of light" but really, cold blooded, conniving, and "venomous" snakes. I've had to deal with snakes that have spread their venom into the lives of my family, friends, and other loved ones. Since my generation (Gen-X) is the bridge between old school and new school, an old mob saying about people who are two faced and hide their true identity well are called snakes. They only come in the hidden parts of our weaknesses and distractions. They slide (creep) in "unawares" and turn your house of love, success, and fulfillment into a war-riddled environment. Snakes (or as super saved saiyan Christians would say - "Leviathan)" come into your life when it's lost focus, coil up, stare at you straight in the eyes (to seduce you), get you stuck, and then bites you. But the only way to prevent this from happening is that we have to stay on our P's and Q's. Every so often, we got to get that lawn mower, get that weed eater, get the fertilizer, get the weed killer or just hire somebody  who can do it all for us if we lack the skill, and get rid of these snakes. When the grass isn't high and our "lawn" is kept, the snakes in our lives can't hide because now they're exposed for what they really are. My new saying is this, "I'd rather be friends with a snake that admit to being a snake than being friends with a snake that's hiding the truth that they are a snake". When dealing with snakes, you've got to confront them, cut their heads off with the truth (don't go out killing people now!), and throw them in the fire. Yeah, there's still more snakes in my garden I need to deal with now and will have to deal with in the future until I'm dead. However, I'm not going to punk out, let my grass get high, or be scared when it's time to confront a snake. I'm going to get my sword and take 'em out before I get poisoned, stuck, and my dreams dead. My friends, I believe you need to do the same.

Til next time, GDOW FKA DGWO (for now)......

Check out Jude 1:12-13....it's a monster.

How To Become A Bad Guy

In one scene in the 1983 movie "Scarface", Tony Montana, his wife, bodyguards, and best friend were in a restaurant. There was a falling out between Tony and his wife and she left him high and dry.  Being as coked up and drunk as he was, he looked around and saw how people looked at him with disgust. Seizing the opportunity, he addresses the crowd and said, "Say hello to the bad guy." Yes, Tony was a bad guy at heart but he said a couple statements that are true.

"...You people are afraid to be what you wanna be...?

"You need people like to point at and say, hey, that's the bad guy. But what does that make you, good? That doesn't make you good, you just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem."

And my personal favorite:

"Me, I always tell the truth, even when I lie." -Hey, at least he was truthful. Hahaha.

There are a lot of "bad guys" in the land and some of them ain't like the Son of Sam. They're just happy ordinary people who don't fall for everything but take a stand.  There are people now in our society today who are called the bad guys. They live and think differently than what is culturally, religiously, educationally, and politically "accepted." At times, they say certain yet true comments other parties won't like and will feel offended. But that's the nature of the truth, it's going to make people uncomfortable and at times disgusted with one's approach. No matter how you try to dress up the plate, the truth is going to hurt. That's why I like bad guy roles. They care less about their reputation, what people think about them, or meeting societal standards to be accepted. They do them and they speak whatever is on their mind; even if it's not right. But one thing we can admit, at least their honest about who they are, how they are, and what they're true intentions are. Some of the greatest bad guys in reality and fiction don't wear a mask, they show their true character. I can only say for myself that I admire that. Better for a snake to show itself in the open than a snake that's hiding in the grass (allegorically speaking of course-let it marinate). So how can we all become a bad guy?

1. Stand up to people who are or may be in a higher position than you are in a situation or conflict that needs to be addressed

• People will call you disrespectful, mischievous, and prideful 
• People will say whatever about you to discredit your credible claims during a conflict
• You will experience character assassination

2. Say the truth about how you really feel about things, even when it'll cause a stir

• Telling the truth will be deemed unethical and illogical
• Telling the truth creates more enemies than friends
• You will experience character assassination

3. Breaking cultural, societal, religious, educational norms for the sake of getting your point across for the good of everyone else

• Breaks protocol to speak their mind, no matter what the cost(s)
• Says no to holding out, says yes to speaking out
• You will experience character assassination

4. Unwilling to change their attitude, character, dress, etc., to gain acceptance or fit in

• Talk, look, think, dress, act, and associate with things that go against the grain
• Walking to the beat of their own drum
• You will experience character assassination.

Case and point, all of these and many other points will mark you as the bad guy. Cool. At least then, you will know what people really think about you (and have been thinking about you for a while). But don't worry about them not liking or respecting you because as long as the Big Man upstairs is pleased with what you are, as The Rock what say, "It doesn't matter what they think!" 

Well, that's all I have to say about that and if you meet these qualifications, good for you. Just don't break any laws now (lol). 

Til next time, dgwo...

Stop Being Indecisive

I remember when I was in training for my current job in December 2012, my good friend Jonathan Edwards (wassup homie!) came to visit me and we had a really good conversation. After we finished shopping in one of the malls in B-more (Baltimore), he stopped and said this, "David, you're indecisive." I looked at him with a blank look and he broke it down to me Barney style, "You can't make up your mind about anything." For about two days, we would walk around looking for places to shop or eat and I couldn't make up my mind about anything. With his mouth, he was like cool but his body language told an entirely different story. In hindsight, my best friend told me the truth. After knowing this guy who I met in Mount Holly, New Jersey (out of nowhere) for 7 years at the time, I literally became an indecisive individual. I couldn't make up my mind about nothing. I just couldn't. I would say I would do something, just about anything, and moments later would question my decision. Then he began to break down why. The why answers he shared with me was that I allowed a lot of situations and people's perceptions of what my life should be in their eyes hinder my decisiveness (the ability to make a decision and go with it). Within the time we've known each other, I was sort of "indoctrinated" to "walk by faith" but still lived in fear (of what others would think or for their approval, fear of failure, actions to taint my image in society). The way I was brought up, the "gut mechanism" was my best friend and sometimes worst enemy. However, I would make a decision and that was it, I'm gone. But through a long period of indoctrination of a "religious" and wacky system, I allowed my gut to become thought of as what was taught, "nothing but the devil" or my "heart above all is wicked"(which is true but when God is in it, what can man say to you?). He said a couple of other things that I didn't like but accepted as truth because it was. I allowed myself to get caught up in a train of thought that was holding my life up, sort of like a mental prison facility (now I refer to as Alcatraz). One year and a couple of months later, my decisiveness is back, baby. Before some recent "conversations" (which I will share certain concepts with you all next week so hold tight!), I broke the back of the backlog of my indecisiveness. I threw away different indoctrinations, advice, and literally crap that was disallowing me a full night's rest for almost a half a week. I said, I'm going to do this no matter what people think about me, my decision making, or what the outcome will be. Not only did I make the decision to confront some things (and people) in my past before my transition into newness, I went through with it. I picked up the phone and did what I felt necessary to do and boom, things in my life are now flowing freely like a river. The result of being a decisive person is making a decision and going through with it despite what other people and situations are saying to you. The best example I can only give us is Jesus. Whatever he thought to do, he did it, no matter what those stupid Pharisees or at times inept disciples would say or think about him. Like at Mr. Tibbs (my old school crew know who I'm talking about), he saw things or people that needed to get corrected and he did so. These and many more people in life are examples of decisive people, people who make decisions quickly, accurately, and with confidence. As Jonathan said to me in B-more is what I tell you all to do; that is to stop being indecisive. Make up your mind. If you know something or someone is not good for you, make the decision and go through with it. If you need to make a decision or do something that's going to benefit you, why wait? Do it! I believe we use "prayer" as a mechanism to mask our fears of making decisions. But if God puts it in your heart to do it, maybe he's letting you know that this is the right time. Of course people around you are going to question you but who are they? Are they God? This may cause a rift between you and them. Cool. Okay, some people that's in your life may not want to be around you and will talk about you. Heck, I got some folks talking about me and my wife right now. But one thing they can say about us, we stopped being indecisive. We're no longer living in a bubble of fear and doom. We make decisions now and we go with it. And the greatest part of all, decisiveness gives you the strength and freedom not to care what other people are thinking or saying about you. You basically through the hand up like Ms. Ceily did to Mister in "The Color Purple." There are so many blessings in being decisive.

I hope this advice helps you all, like it helped me, my friends.


Til Next Time, dgwo81....