The Whole Truth: Mental Hell

I used to be enamored about Revelation 18:3-4 because I know there was simple meaning to this than what a lot of "third heaven" spiritualists love to delve into. To some it all up, Babylon is talking about the dark side of the American church system. It holds these "Christians" who are really devils in human form, the lies, prejudice, racism, and monetary corruption within its walls. It loves to call itself "the bride of Christ" but they are really the great harlot. I was one a part of that but somehow, some way, The Overton's escaped their mental hell. What is hell on earth? The hell is seeing lives ravaged by religion, which Jay-Z, Ja-Rule, and Rick Ross state "separates people from each other (which is true)." During my time in Shiloh Worship Center, there was a lot of religion going on. Both of the pastors' (Quane and Claudette Scott) backgrounds stem from COGIC, PAW, Holiness, and Pentecostal roots from Alabama to England. Many of the former and current members have the same roots, which these sects of Christianity have a lot of religious mumbo jumbo holding souls into captivity. I've seen religion destroy marriages, as one spouse is indoctrinated; totally sold on what the middle man/pusher man (preacher) is preaching (the psychological drugs of "another gospel" not approved by Christ) while the other disagrees and disputes it to the very end. Therefore, one spouse stays (and usually keeps the kids, etc.) while the other leaves that particular ministry and abandoned in a world where they are told by the pastor, "you won't survive" (that's what they said to my wife and I earlier this year). I've also seen families, mostly single parents (mothers) with  children who needed the financial aid of the church to help them and were shunned, talked about, ridiculed, and embarrassed (trust me, I did the same thing in last sermon I did before I left Shiloh, which I totally regret to this day, Shanna, please forgive me). I've seen people who discerned Shiloh for what it was (a hot ghetto mess) and the pastors saw their weaknesses. Through showing "love," sending the "gang of saints" to "persuade" them to conform to the their teachings and kindness to their children (because kids are subject to the traps of predators), and summarily agreed with the people they initially spoke against. There were also times when people who stood against Quane and Claudette hold their ground and were "excommunicated" by them. Not only did "mommy and daddy dearest" excommunicate those people from former ministers, to pastor friends who helped build their church, musicians, worship leaders, praise dance leaders, to just a passers by visitor, they had an unwritten rule for the entire congregation to do the same (I'll reconvene this topic in a later part of this series). I've seen it and witnessed it first hand and it's a sad state of affairs. Mental hell is hearing someone tell you to pray and fast your problems away. They tell you to get counseling from them for financial, marital, spiritual, and emotional situations; however, there own lives from the day they were born is jacked up (I'll let one of the other ex-Shiloh members take a stab at this, will some of you please stand up?!). I remember them (especially Quane) tell me to "be a (super) man" whenever I faced a tough time in life from work to even our infertility issues. In a very inconsiderate manner, we would have these conversations at their house with him saying to us, "maybe it's the will of God for not to have children." Now when I think about it, I get mad (Mrs. Overton-being that she is from Jamaica, Queens NY, she might want to do something else-sorry babe, you still got some thuggery in you, babe). Side note: Is it me or isn't that comment very insensitive and inconsiderate, especially from someone who's dealing with infertility issues as well? You are beaten to submission, sermon after sermon (especially when he comes back home from wherever he's stationed as a recruiter, no Bible, just emotional bashing), Bible study series after Bible study series (way over our heads, I'm just as guilty until the latter part of 2013), until you give into the hellish environment of control and false doctrine. You begin to believe that you need to "speak into the atmosphere" like you're some type of alchemist or magician, like you're a god but in the end you see that nothing is actually happening in your favor. You are whipped to believe that you should give a 10th of your gross earnings including an offering that you may fulfill "the law of Christ" (a direct misuse of Malachi 3:8-12 & 2nd Corinthians 9:9-11). Or how about having the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking with other tongues as "the spirit" gives utterance?  This also includes living a life holy and acceptable unto God, meaning people listen to the pastor tell them not speak against leadership (taught in Shiloh), not have a TV in their house (not taught in Shiloh but in other local churches-i.e. a church in Killeen off of 10th street across from the Post Office), to cut off all family relationships, even marriage and children because they are not saved (just like what cults do). Or how about the music they are allowed to listen to, only slow melodically boring worship music, and "come to the church every time the church doors are open" (so they could get more money to pay for their houses, cars, and expensive habits). Oh yeah, speak your "heavenly language" with every one else although Paul speaks against doing this during a mass gathering of people (read 1st Corinthians, you'll see what I'm talking about). This is mental hell. A soulless yet "saved" life where you are "set apart" for service "as unto the Lord." However, women, especially black women are divorced, single mothers, and don't have a man (a husband or significant other). Men are indoctrinated to wearing suits and ties (shiny suits as the Lox AKA D-Block would say), sticking their chest out to show that by the Holy Spirit they are supermen. People are led to believe they have "dominion" power, that "wherever their feet tread upon is holy ground"; thereby, giving them an open pass to treat others, especially the unsaved like 2 thirds of a human being (reference Exodus 3:5-which is continually used in error). This makes people believe they are above the laws of the land and why there are more pedophiles, extortionists, rapists, cheaters, and pimps using the people up. A lot of people don't recognize they've given their "free will" into the hands of these communist-like beings and are locked in mental hell. You can't think for yourselves, you can't fend for yourselves, hell, you can't understand "the word of God" without the middle man teaching you how to interpret it's meanings. This is how they lock your mind up into seeing the world in tunnel instead of the whole spectrum. The black, the white, and every speck of grey areas this life brings. They teach you to strive for perfection and to show no weakness, that "every day with Christ is sweeter and sweeter than the day before." Bullcrap.... Now that's a direct falsity of scripture because from what I see in the world today, that's not happening for Christians in Asia or Africa. Can I getta one witness? If you have a problem, basically you are told this, "to suck it up, don't get emotional, and drive on." However, this teaches emotional suppression, which keeps people from allowing the freedom of sadness, depression, joy, and hope from showing in  our expressions. I can say for myself, this has created a level of suppression in me where I find it hard to even cry and have to check myself when I need to show sympathy/empathy for others. This is the mental hell I experienced with Shiloh Worship Center. I used to wake up everyday for work and look at that mirror in the bathroom. I used to go to work and have regular conversations with people, or just spend time with some of my friends (which were few at the time) outside of the church. During these times, I felt like I was living in hell, a mental hell. Any time I used to be asked to do some raps at another church, I had to ask Quane and Claudette first if I could get their approval. If I didn't and did something "ministerial" wise without it, I would get the tongue lashing of a lifetime. I remember feeling trapped not being "approved" to keep up with my own blood family, being "led" to place those two charlatans as in the place of my parents (which was wrong). I remember when I first started working for the VA as a food service worker, which was hard work. I had to work on weekends sometimes and Quane would play the drums because there was no other musician available (he ran his brother Chris off, well, that's another story in itself). I remember one time he told me out of his frustration of not having musicians other than me saying, "was this the will of God for you to take this job." I was very offended because he of all people should know that having a government job full of opportunities for upward mobility is rare (especially for a young black man in his 20s, still unsure of who he is). If I allowed that piece of hell to overtake me, I would've left that job and missed out on becoming a GS-10 (which I will be in a few weeks- YAY, YAY) and other opportunities that are in my sights. I knew from that moment this joker didn't want no one, and I mean, no one doing better than him, educationally, financially, or in ministry. This was the mental hell I carried and that's not including what my beautiful wife Dionn experienced (which is on a whole different level - stay tuned for that, my friends). Let's not forget Claudette, ol' mother dearest.... She's a good manipulator, a conniving wolf who preys on the weak. She knew a lot about my weaknesses, from anger, to pornography, to issues with my biological father, to money (the fear of being broke - I told y'all I was going to tell on myself). She played on this, especially during the time when my wife was deployed in Iraq. This is when I became "her son" (which is big thing in the Christian community using Elijah/Elisha and/or Paul/Timothy as the basis of pastor/congregant relationships). Although we become closer, it felt like I was trapped, you know. Being coerced to wash their cars, trim their hedges at their house, and take out their trash like I was living there. Hell, it felt like she was trying to make me her "emotional lover-boy" rather than a mentee who she was supposed to pour good knowledge of the Word and of life. Now to come to think about it, Quane is very emotionally "detached" from his own wife (and probably the reason why he stays away from his family but like Kermit the frog ads, "that's none of my business....). Watching them buy new furniture and clothes all the time (not out of jealousy) but my house is looking empty and raggedy. They would tell Dionn and I, "when you take care of the prophet, you'll receive a prophet's reward." Okaaay.... The only reward we received was living paycheck to paycheck, trapped in Texas, trapped playing music but could never musically expand in artistry, etc. Mental hell. Times when we were "forced" to go on "church outings" to theme parks or get togethers and she was talked down to us, mostly towards Dionn. And David GW Overton didn't say a word. When my wife's birth mother die (Momma Deborah, RIP), did Quane or Claudette show any sympathy? They gave us $100 for plane tickets (we ended up paying for ourselves and they didn't want us to go) and experience a year of them praying over my wife. They couldn't come off their high horse to see she lost a mother who she was cut off from most of her life and never had the chance to say hello or goodbye (of course, that's a story she'll have to tell). She had the right to be depressed, angry, loss, but they said something totally different and niggerish (ignorant). That was mental hell, allowing these people tear down my wife and I ran right along with it. <Pause> Mental hell = a stagnated and control by others life, a wasteful existence. Feeling trapped in your mind to believe in one way of doing things in life rather than being a mixed bowl of methods to live a fulfilled life. For ten years, y'all, I allowed myself to be enslaved in a mental hell courtesy of my former pharaohs and taskmasters, Quane and Claudette. To top it all off, to keep me feeding off doggy bones, I was called "Lil Q" to keep me in line. But one glad morning, David grew back his "manhood" and became the "giant killer" I grew up to become; breaking out of my mental hell and that "life was over and Iiiiiiiiii flew away." How did I break out of mental hell? Well, stay tuned in for part 3, Indoctrination and I'll show you what broke the camels back for myself and my family.

Til next time....

P.S. - "....I ain't go to lie, y'all, I ain't got to lie...."