Lessons We Can Learn From Jay-Z's "Adnis"

This past Friday, a bonus edition of Jay-Z's 4:44 LP was released, which includes a song dedicated to his late father called "Adnis." Although I've enjoyed the project, I was anticipating to hear "Adnis" and when I heard it, I was buried with tears. I felt where Jay-Z was coming from because I've been there before with my biological father, "Ben." I listened to that song at least 4 times within a 30 minute period and let my wife listen to it as well. After I played her the song, I cried again.

"Letter to my dad that I never wrote"
Speeches I prepared that I never spoke
Words on a paper that I never read
Proses never penned they stayed in my head (fear to release those emotions)
Jotted on dotted lines, "I'mma fight you nigga" (revenge, anger, hurt, loneliness, abandonment)
Stories that I heard I'm just like you nigga (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree)
Must've been some pain in your past too (in the black community, the cycle of pain never ends...)
Must've been karma that was past due ("the sins of the father/mother are passed to the sons/daughters")
Must've been the energy that passed through (the chance of redemption, the chance the break the cycle of pain)

Ask anybody from my family, I'm the spitting image of my father, down to the way I act. My mom would show me pictures of him when I was a kid to remind me that I had a father (he left us when I was 4). I can remember many times I would be frustrated with my life because I wanted what my other friends and classmates had, a father. I was a very angry kid and it followed me for a long time. One thing I will say, my stepfather, "Daddy Tony" has been an amazing father to me but deep inside, I wanted my father around. There have been periods in my life that we had no contact, sometimes months, most times, years. I went through so much shit, mental shit in my life that no kid before the age of 10 should experience but I did. Sometimes, I say to myself, how would I be if my father was around. Nobody will ever know. I'm a big Jay-Z fan and the second song I heard from the God emcee (besides "Lucky Me") that showed his "mortality" was "This Can't Be Life" (from "The Dynasty" LP). Then I heard "Momma Loves Me" (off "The Blueprint" Vol 1) and boy, that took me through some various emotions (in September 2001, I hadn't heard from my father since June 2000). Fast forward 2017 and this song hits my spirit. The part that got me was this:

"Who would've thought I'd be the dad I never had (maturity)
Be the husband I've become
You, see nothing come from that
I forgive you as I live through the beautiful present of the past (if we choose to...)
I'm just thank that I get all these gifts to unwrap" (lessons, taking the good out of the bad)

I'm a fairly new father as of June 25, 2016 and it's been a terrifying ride. Once my father told me that at least 3 generations of fathers left their families and everyday I fight to break the cycle. I've long forgave my father for all the times he wasn't there, especially after knowing the circumstances he's told me he experienced in his childhood. 2017 has been an interesting year in hip-hop music but to hear a legend of S. Dot come from the throne to tell people, particularly men, his struggles when it comes to fatherhood/childhood/parenthood. "Adnis" is a song of reflection, which I believe is stark reminder of the continual problems in the black community. There are too many single mothers with multiple kids and those kids don't have their father around to love or provide. We've got too may young boys (and girls) walking around angry with the world, hating themselves, and borderline homicidal/suicidal because their father (mothers) is nonexistent (most of the time emotionally/psychologically healthy relationships). This song talks about the culture of abandonment that so many of us in the black community (or anyone of any race for that matter) deals with when the people we love the most leaves us hanging. This song also touches on the problem that the black community has when it comes to drugs and alcohol (oh yeah, this includes me, too). Most importantly, this talks about the black community finally letting go of its ego, its pride, its carelessness, its selfishness, its religion, its excuses, and talk about the various shit that plaques us as individuals as well as families. Albums like Jay-Z's "4:44", Tyler the Creator's "Flower Boy", Vic Mensa's "The Autobiography", and Logic's "Everybody" are wake up calls for us to speak honestly and openly. However, there is reasonable doubt the black community as a whole are listening to the horns to simmer down, sit down, and get real. 

Tim next time.....