I've wanted to put my thoughts down about this topic for a while because I believe the conversation about forgiveness is discussed from a religious perspective; not from a logical perspective. Since Christianity is the monopoly of American culture, we are indoctrinated from birth it's mandatory for us to "forgive others that God may forgive us." If we "don't forgive, God won't forgive us" and we don't question this pseudo "mandate from heaven." Today, I'd like to question it because I believe it's complete and utter bullshit. I believe we shouldn't always have a forgiving heart when people do us or anyone else dirty. So with this post, I'd like to point out a couple of things we need to logically investigate the food that's been fed to us for years based on writings to make us counter-productive when it comes to conflict resolution within ourselves, between others, and the option of forgiveness. Please, let's put our Korans, Bibles, and degrees down; let's think logically and intricately.
1. Should we forgive people when they continuously, knowingly, and with great severity harm us and others? HELL NO. For the majority of my life, I've lived in the Bible Belt, North Carolina, South Carolina, Texas, and Alabama. Within the past few months, I've brought up the issue of forgiveness when it comes to this question. Do you want to know what the answers were? I'm glad you asked. "Jesus said, we've got to forgive our brothers (sisters) seventy times seven." "If we don't forgive others, God won't forgive us, and if we die with unforgivness in our hearts, we'll go to hell." "Unforgiveness holds you back while the people that hurt you are moving on with our lives, not even thinking about you." Does this apply to those people who've been lied to over and over and over again by financial specialists (bankers, investors, loan holders, insurance agents) and have their monies /credit drained to the bone marrow without apology? What about those men and women who were rape or sexual abuse by a family member repeatedly but their abuser never apologies or confesses? Come to think about it, what about those service members who were raped (and reported it to their "superiors) yet their abusers are protected by the powers that be, excel in their military careers, and never apologize to their victim(s)? Should a parent continue to forgive their kids who continually steal, lie, and cheat (with crocodile tear apologies)? What about those people who know what they're doing is wrong and still fucking people over? Should people in these situations forgive those who've wronged them? There are a lot of people I've screwed over in my lifetime, some I haven't apologized for my actions. To be quiet honest, shit, I may never confess or apologize for bullshit I've done (the dichotomy of man, haha). Should they forgive me? Should people forgive me after knowing what I've done to them I'm also knowingly and consistency doing to others? Do you think the court of law forgives people who commit multiple offenses (murder, tax evasion, fraud, child neglect, etc.)? Put yourself in that position and think about it.
2. Does God really not forgive people who won't forgive others? HELL NO. I recently had a conversation about this and of course I get the well-known answer I've been getting my entire life. "We have to forgive others that God will forgive us"; all of which is based on a book written by men to control other men (more so the common, working, poor men/women/children of any society). Honestly, will a God who's infinite, omnipotent, omniscient, and is forever not forgive mortals who rightly hold unforgiveness towards people ? Doesn't make any sense yet people continue to think otherwise. How do we know if God turns his or her back on us because we refuse to forgive others? Within the context of Christian culture, when something tragic happens (financial, loss of life, etc.), that's God's judgment upon us. Well, that's complete bullshit because we can't control the ever-changing tides of life and death. We don't know what the hell is on God's mind, no matter if we're the pope, an imam, an apostle, or a shaman. God can't be held in the box of our thinking or some pseudo "holy" book. It's also absurd to think God will forgive a person (who gets away with an offense) who "seemingly" has a repentant heart rather than someone who doesn't forgive another person who continually fucks up others' lives. Come on, people, put on your thinking caps, put away your indoctrination; put on logic and reason. It's time we stop being scared of going to hell based on what judgmental people say and some pseudo holy book masterminded by the Flavian dynasty (research it).
3. Forgiveness versus confrontation? Forgiveness is not easy and should only be given to those who are truly repentant for what they've done (not just with their words/tears but with their deeds). I've noticed within the past 2, maybe 3 years, I've seen people take the forgiveness route because it's the easiest. Instead of confronting those who wronged them, they just pray for them, let it go, and say the old adage, "forgive them Father for they don't know what they're doing." I also noticed that those same people they refuse to confront are still to this day, as a venomous snake, debilitating countless others with their poison. The sad part of it is, they're still cordial with these people and the cycle of offenses, kept silent, continues (especially in the black community). There's a term in the psychology world called "Fight or Flight." Many of these environments I've been in, people would rather forgive (or say they do) than confront. Running away by way of forgiving bypasses our chance to unload the hurt we have inside our minds and hearts. It allows us to confront those that have hurt us (and vice versa) and we have to go through the arduous process of moving on. Speaking of letting it go, we can never be like God, who men have written, "sins are thrown into the sea of forgetfulness." Remember, we are not deities, we are human beings and it's our right to feel whatever human emotions we have, as long as we don't harm others. We can't just through the pain we received just like that, it takes a lot of work and a lot of time for us to make it "manageable." For some of us, forgiveness is easier and we just go on with life without telling others about themselves; however, some of us want confrontation. Either way, we want our houses to be square again, meaning, we want peace within ourselves and a good night's sleep.
4. Do we have to forgive? It's a catch 22. Ultimately, it's up to us whether or not forgiveness is an option. It's not up to our families, it's not up to our friends, it's not up to a preacher, hell, it's not up to God. We have to do what's best for us as individuals, not what's best for the people, environments, and society around us. So, if we choose to forgive, don't forgive for the sake of your fear that God won't forgive you or will send you to hell. When you forgive, you're doing it because you have sympathy for the other person, regardless if they knowingly or unknowingly fucked you over. For some of us, we just do because we don't have time to hold on to anger towards others (but that doesn't mean we have to respect them). If we choose not to forgive, don't feel bad about it and don't let some fuck ass holy roller make you feel bad, either. Some bullet wounds go so deep, the pain will never go away. Sometimes, the people you don't forgive, you tried to reason with them but they continue to "middle finger u" and keep on doing what they do best to somebody else. Whenever I bring this subject up or about my past experiences, people say, "you've got bitterness in your heart and you need to let it go." That's funny, I wonder if they'd say that to people who've experienced worse shit than me? Probably not. Damn, this is a sticky subject but man, we as individuals have to make that decision and learn to be at peace with it.
Oh yeah, for those who choose not to forgive and you express your views to some "holy rollers", here's something for you:
The following link is the definition of bitterness, http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/bitterness. It's very different from what we've been indoctrinated to believe. This blew my mind.
Take it from me, don't allow your emotions to take you to the deep end and rob you of what life presently and in future has for you (good/bad/ugly). Trust me on that one....
For those who choose to forgive and/or not to forgive, I feel you and you have every right to feel that way. People who don't walk in your shoes don't understand your pain. They never will because they're on the outside looking in. All you can do is keep making your life better and realize that you're doing the right thing. Remember this, forgiveness isn't given, it's earned, just like everything else in this crazy world.
Take care, dGwO.
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